It was one fine day,with the tunes of which I was living every second of that day.Until that, I was not aware of what actually a living is and as all the inner souls out there says, “LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL”,I used to keep wondering about how can life be so beautiful,as because I am not able to experience that and used to blame myself for not doing that.I used to feel thrashed at times,with no self respect of mine,with no happiness deep inside the soul,with those tear drops rolling down over the cheeks every night..I felt worst.Yes terribly terrible.what I only wanted is to achieve that one super power which can bring some happiness,in order that atleast I can live a healthy life and can keep others happy..Till that moment,I dint know that the beautiful sun gonna rise welcoming me with such a wonderful day in my life from when I will no more be spending those painful days and nights with a big burden inside me.That plain fine day was,what I needed the most to be the person I m today,now when i know that yes “LIFE IS ALREADY BEAUTIFUL” and we can make it more beautiful by knowing our importance in our own eyes..YES,I repeat,ourselves being beautiful in our own eyes…THE BIGGEST TRUTH I realized after already spending 20 years of my life..
But I am crazily happy that I realized it.It happened to me.
Well how it happened.There comes the guy whom I knew at that time for one year may be.A duration of one year and I was more than head over heels for him,and in such a way that I have literally no words to write it out here about how crazily crazy I was for him..i was kind of obsessed with that person.That charming face,innocent curved out eyes,which had the power of bringing me down on my knees,that billion dollar smile and what not..he became the world..the only world where in my thoughts,I had only HIM,only him and not even me,MYSELF.I was already loosing myself..Only what I could think is of him,his smile,his craved out words. For me,only HE existed,the only one.
HE,who seemed to me the only perfect person,though,had no such reciprocating feelings,which I had for him.That used to hurt me,but still I was ok with only brushing talks with him often.By then,I had already let silly negative thoughts destroy this beautiful friendship.he started ignoring me at his best,stopped responding to my calls and messages..Taking into account his contrary behavior towards me,I started feeling scared of loosing him as a friend,so I carried on with always putting myself in the lower deck and putting him feets above me.All this started to fill my each and every corner of me with toxicity,which I had no idea of how to get rid of.I used to feel sick waking up in the morning,dread while going to bed at night as I knew,when I will be waking up in the morning,nothing will be changed.Its the loneliest feeling I ever had..
With random talks and fights every now and then,there came one morning,when my eyes became a victim of few words,which popped out in the message screen..They were “I can have far far better options to choose from and I did the mistake of talking to you”.
I felt worst,was in deep pain,had no words to console myself..Even now when I am writing,I still can feel what I felt at that very moment..Only then I came to know which superficial power I needed to be happy..Yes,these words being witnessed by me.It changed ME,all of a sudden I don’t know what went through me but I started finding myself quite different..I was not that person any more who I was till that moment..I started feeling as a beautiful inner soul which was,by then fulfilled with tons of happiness and which started finding worthy reasons to live..Yes,I felt happy,very happy indeed.It was kind of an achievement which I thrived for but was nt getting..I realized,those words was thrown back towards me only because I dint love myself..how could I love myself..my love was only for him..i dint have value of myself in my eyes…Let the darkness end here,I said to myself and started living again..
This time in a grand way,with no worries of impressing any kind of a person..only person I had to impress is MY OWN SELF,and this way life started turning beautiful..and I was feeling like shouting out to each and every innocent soul out there in the universe about my happiness..i wanted to tell them that “YOU WILL FIND THE BEAMING OF THE SUN ON THE LUSH GREEN TREES MORE BEAUTIFUL IF YOU GAZE AT YOURSELF AND SAY THAT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL”
Now that my story leapt from my soul,lovingly with happiness in my eyes,I am whispering to myself, “You are jumping to conclusions aren’t u?” and I responded “yea…with smiles”.